What should one not do in life?

What should one not do in life? by Shankaranand Reddy

Answer by Shankaranand Reddy:

24 years of my life and there are the things I learnt through the hardest way.

On, my 25th birthday which was celebrated few days back, I decided not to do the following things in my life:

[Edit 4: BEWARE!! Answer is lengthy. You can skip to specific side headings if you are not interested in others. Though, you won't regret reading the entire answer]

On career:

  1. Never see someone’s success and follow them :Please listen to your own heart and get a purpose for the life. Then connect it to your work. Happiness is knowing what you want and diverting your whole energy towards it-as said by Robin Sharma
  2. Don’t listen to your heart blindly: Don’t forget to do extensive research on the market of your job industry. For ex, your heart may say to work and have a career in playing Sitar. But, no one likes to listen to it. Then, don’t do it.
  3. Don't dream but work on it: Idealization without execution is a delusion. Start working harder on your dreams.

On friendship:

  1. Never spend on your friends heavily at the cost of your parent’s money. If your parents cannot afford an iPhone , don’t ask them. Its ohk, if you cannot throw a party on your birthday in a good restaurant. Just, know your parents affordability.
  2. Never give your valued belongings to your friends: They definitely, don’t know their value. I spoiled my bike, phone and also my laptop because of this. Give them only if they desperately need them
  3. Don’t make friendship for status or for others: Don’t try to talk or make friendship just because someone is famous in college. Friendship is about trusting and sharing. Find a person whom you trust and can share your feelings.
  4. Don’t maintain groups: Don’t maintain any groups. For ex: people belonging to particular region, religion, caste, sex, class, college etc., maintain groups. Be open minded, don’t judge the person by color of the skin but judge him/her by the content of character-as said by Martin Luther.
  5. Don’t try to desperately make friends: Friends just happen. You don’t have to search for them. During the path of your career, project, assignment, tours, volunteering etc., you can make friends. Don’t try desperately

On social work

  1. Don’t donate but work: I’m serious. Many of the NGOs are fake. I donated lot of my money which I could have saved.Never donate your hard earned money. If you are a doctor, then organize health camps. If you are a software engineer, organize and teach computer skills to students. If you are a marketer, then freely market for small companies. Work on your expertise. Gandhi worked but never donated.
  2. Donate blood but don’t forget to track it: Ask the hospital or the NGO, how your blood was utilized. Beware, blood is being sold for huge price.
  3. Love children but don’t give them valuable belongings: Don’t make kids in the orphanage get used to a lifestyle which they cannot enjoy at their place. Just share love. Mother Theresa just loved but never gave costly clothes to kids

On house

Think of maintenance before building a house. Don’t just build a duplex just because you can afford it. My relative has build a finest house in the city and they are now suffering a lot because of their decision. Couldn’t maintain it. Abdul Kalam owned a small house but he made crores of homes in people’s heart

On car

Just because your friend has an expensive car, don’t buy it. See the cost of maintenance and affordability. You may like going for a holiday in Switzerland while your friend visits local streets in Mumbai by his Audi. Know what you want.

On marriage

  1. Neither take nor give dowry: I know a marriage where Rs250 crore was given as dowry. The marriage broke down in 2 years as the bride has spent Rs 5 crore in the first year for her parties. On the other hand, my brother got married on December 2015 without taking dowry. They are the most beautiful couple I have ever seen. No strings were attached to their marriage. (Edit1: They just completed sky diving in South Africa)
  2. Never leave your parents for your marriage: You have already taken a lot from them. Don’t leave them when you have to give.

On relationship and love:

  1. Don’t commit to a person if you are not independent: The first rule of being dependent on others, is to be independent as said by Stephen R Covey in his book 7 ways of highly effective people. Trust me, relations I saw in the first year were all broken up by the time I reached final year.
  2. Don’t love a person from one side: Don’t invest your time and energy in attaching so much value to a person. It never comes back. He/she cannot understand that value. For ex, you may save a month salary to give your lover a gift, it might have been the same gift, her father has given her on her 10th birthday. Proceed, only if both of you like each other.
  3. Don’t break up easily after committing: Two cases, one had a divorce because husband want to keep the fan speed at 6 and wife at 2. They never slept happily. Another case, her boyfriend saw her being dropped by his friend at hostel. She had no choice but to go on his bike as it was late at night. For this, he bet her badly and slapped hardly. Former case is non sense and in latter case, there is no use of living together.

On hobbies

  1. Don’t try to do everything: I love skating, playing basketball & football, cycling, reading books, writing, riding etc., But I cannot do everything. Shorten your hobbies. Focus more on what you can continue after 5 or 10 years. Now, I am just going to gym, reading books and writing. I know I can do this even after 10 years.
  2. Don’t skip Newspaper(online/offline):Its waste of leaving in the world without knowing what is happening around you. As my psychology professor in p once said, life is all about knowing the risks, reducing them and moving on

Edit2: Thought quorans doesn’t like, longer answers. So, i left the answer in middle. Continuing now. If you can take time to read my answer then I do have time to write.

On social networking

  1. Neither like too many pages on Facebook nor read News in it: Facebook was designed to keep in touch with friends. Of late, you a being targeted by the MNCs and other media depending on your place, sex, age, interests and educational background. Beware of what you read,think and act. Don’t waste time on reading non sense
  2. Don’t read more and write less on quora: Do the opposite. Read from standard books. Experience the real life, not virtual. Then, share it on quora. You will be revered and encouraged for your answers.
  3. Text less on Whatsapp: I know everyone of us are in love with it. Use it only if it is mandatory. You are neither deaf nor dumb to text 24/7. Strength of emotional bond increases when you make an eye contact with the person. Later, it is for video call, next for a call and last for texting.
  4. Don’t mess with Linkidin: There are many aspirants waiting for a interview call. Don’t create non sense stuff in it.

On philosophy

  1. Don’t enjoy the product but enjoy the process: Nishkam karma yogi of Bhagavad Gita asks us to be detached from the end result but try our level best to achieve goals. For ex, Mark zuckerberg wants to connect the whole world with Facebook. If he can’t? Does it mean that he has wasted his life? No right.
  2. Don’t just follow your religion: Question it. Contradict it. Compliment it. Have in depth knowledge of your religion and know basics of others. All religions propagate similar principles except that each religion was a product of the situation. Ex, Buddhism in 5th century BC was product of subjugation of traders by Brahmans of Hinduism. Of course, Hinduism was reinvigorated by Swamy Vivekananda

On Finance and Investments

  1. Don’t start late: Start savings and investments as soon as possible. Best time is in early 20s. You may become another Warren Buffet
  2. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket: Diversify your investments. If you put all eggs in one basket, then safeguard it like a soldier.
  3. Don’t try to earn but try to work: Know exactly what you love and then learn how to earn from it. Try this and you will see wonders

Stopping this section as it is not a FINANCE class room

Others:

  1. Don’t follow a person but follow their work: As Gandhi says, don’t hate the person but hate their work. Suppose if suddenly my Dad do some mistake, its my responsibility to correct him. Also. I hate my friends drinking but not my friend.
  2. Don’t have pre-marital sex: Yes. if you are above 18 and both of them agree, you have every right to have sex. But, are you emotionally strong to take it? I doubt. They more you wait, the better your experience can be. If you are in India,wait for your first night. You will never forget it.(Its not my personal experience but have a friend who spoiled his life because of pre marital sex and of course you can watch the movie NO STRINGS ATTACHED for more info)

[Edit3: Some of them are disagreeing with this point. I need to clarify and explain it further. After 18, each person in India has the right to have consensual sex. It not only correct legally but also morally. Since, you are the ruler of your body. However when I was writing this answer, I had the youth in the age group of 18 to 24 on my mind. This is the age when one has to focus more of his energy on career. In India, sex education is not upto mark. Students don't know how to use contraceptives properly. This leads to unnecessary complications. Further, two incidents motivated to write this answer.

  • One of my classmates during my engineering was indulged in sex with his gf. Everything was going good. Unfortunately, he had a break up. So, he frequently visited prostitutes to pacify his hunger for sex. He was emotionally weak
  • I stayed at Delhi for almost an year. People here are ideologically and culturally more progressive. They are more liberal. I happened to meet a group of guys who were visiting prostitutes regularly. They confessed me that they really became sex addicts after indulging in sex for first time. No offence to Delhiites.

Its just my concern and caution but not conservative approach. If you are emotionally strong, don't forget to use a condom!

  1. Don’t make anyone wait for you: Be punctual. I f not it decreases your trustworthiness.
  2. Don’t criticize people in public and praise privately: Do the opposite
  3. Don’t skip your breakfast, lunch or dinner for any reason.
  4. If you like the answer, never skip it without up voting. It discourages the writer.

What should one not do in life?

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